Three's a crowd.

FACT!

Yes, there comes a time in every dirty bastards life when the inevitable three-some rears its clichéd head and bids you enter. I have no problem with group sex, indeed I see it as a perfectly healthy way to unwind - particularly after a stressful day - but threesomes never end well; especially if like me you are the third 'member' invited in by a couple.

No matter how it's presented to you as a viable option - don't do it.

No matter how sexy the couple and liberated they pertain to be - don't do it.

It's generally fucked.

The dynamic is nearly always weird and you end up feeling like the outsider. You suddenly become aware you are either a plaster attempt at exoticism, clearly imported to patch up a failing relationship; or you are there fulfilling the fantasy of one person at the expense of another.

This has been my experience.

I shudder now at the really uncomfortable realisation that I was basically making one person happy and making his partner sad... I left. Simply saying "this isn't for me!" A very embarrassing thing to do - but really, why subject yourself to other peoples issues unnecessarily when there are so many beautiful possibilities on offer in this fabulous town of ours...

They say we have seen the last days of decadence in this fabulous town and the age of austerity begins... I disagree, there will always be opulent indulgence but as far as I'm concerned there is no pleasure to be found in revelling in the intense emotions of someone else's relationship issues.