It's not me being Smug!... I just enjoy the single life

Saturday night I was enjoying the 'studio 54' vibe at Low-life in South London, when a friend remarked that although she followed my blog, there was an element of 'try-hard' about the whole thing. Naturally she was far more diplomatic about it than that, but I certainly got the message. She proposed that the whole blog was a cover for the fact that perhaps the single life was a little empty and that maybe I was hiding the fact that I was unhappy by bragging about my fabulously carefree single life.


This made me think. Indeed, I suppose it may very well seem that someone who professes to be happy must have something to hide. We're English, moaning is our mainstream. One of the reasons I agree that a reader may well come away with this experience, is that I never complain about the bad things. Like everyone else on this planet I have the bad days and I have encountered the earth shattering problems; even though these issues refine me, they do not define me. Basically I am saying that at this moment in time it would be redundant of me to trade on past misery simply to justify my present contentment. But if you insist...


Simply put: I know what it's like to be made to feel like shit, to be bullied; to be incapacitated (physically and mentally!) alone without friends or family. I know what it's like to be poor and hungry and lost. I know what it's like to be in physical agony and scared for my life.I know what it's like to have ideas and dreams stolen and shattered...


Thing is, I don't experience any of these things at the moment, and even though I am poor (isn't everyone?) things are pretty much perfect and I am living the creative bohemian life that I always wanted. I make art and songs and music and I meet great people everyday. I live in the best part of London and my health is good. I go drinking and dancing and there is generally laughter in my day to day being. I attend the saunas of East London and enjoy the physical company of a multitude of the most beautiful Men in town.


Believe you me, a relationship? Never say never. This is not fake joy or insincere validation of my existence, this is my life and I'm enjoying it.


So, in answer to my friend who posed the question "why do you feel the need to say how good everything is," I say, "Why not?" just look at contemporary media these days, how many people moan for the sake of moaning about their lives which really aren't that bad after all. (Yes I do mean you Tim Dowling! 2000 words in the Guardian every week whinging about the fact that your perfect middle-class family life is made a living hell by the absence of sun-blushed tomatoes in your local deli. MAN. THE. FUCK. UP!)


It might seem odd, and it might seem unfashionable in the light of our relationship-obcessed society; but a single-life can be incredibly fulfilling and doesn't actually mask a hidden yearning for a romantic definition. If I had had a relationship, would I have visited the places I have visited? Or would I have achieved the things I have achieved? Who knows? I might...but then I wouldn't have the satisfaction of knowing that I have been and can be self sufficient emotionally and independent when it comes to imagination and realising my desires and dreams.


All that being said; I am on a third date with Mr Valentine who is cute; perhaps next year there may be wedding bells, winged horses and hats-all-round! If there isn't, I promise you, I really won't be worrying too much about it.